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No. 54 - "Irish Jug" 4/17/98
Executive Producer - Grant
Writer - Bill Dial
Director - Martin Cummins
Eleventh episode of the Third Season.
We owe major thanks for this description to: Kris Kroner
Legacy living room-afternoon
Packing crates and boxes fill the living room. Derek, wearing a gray shirt, charcoal tie and dark grey vest, looks in one of the open crates and carefully removes an old green jug. The jug has an indentation in its side where a porcelain angel nestles. He carefully sets the jug on top of another box and comments that the collection from the Keane manor was one of the largest collections of private antiquities in the world. It spans 10 generations and contains thousands of items, most being priceless. Alex reads aloud from a journal that belonged to Hanney Ellen Keane, who bequeathed all of her accumulated art and artifacts to the Luna Foundation so they could be cataloged and displayed in museums or disposed of according to her detailed instructions. . Alex comments wryly, "I'd say detailed is the operative word here." Derek happily tells Alex that's why he called a friend of his named Milo Javits to help with the cataloguing.
Milo drives up and bursts in the front door. He sees Derek and calls excitedly, "Ah, you old dog!" Derek, ecstatic to see him, grins widely and they hug. Derek introduces him to Alex, telling her that Milo is the best eye for antiques that he's ever known. Milo relates he gained his knowledge by studying the antique business while in prison years ago. Alex, confused, asks where the two of them met and Milo tells her they worked for Greenpeace for a year and blockaded Russian trawlers. Finding this very amusing, Alex comments, "Out to sea saving whales, you must have great stories." Derek very happily tells her "none that can be shared in polite conversations."
Milo spots the green jug. Intrigued, he studies it, saying it has a Gaelic inscription and is garden-variety potstone with a porcelain figurine. From the glazing, it's an 18th Celtic jar and not especially valuable. Alex comments that perhaps the contents make it important. Derek observes that it's poteen, the Gaelic equivalent of moonshine. This excites Milo, "Irish dew in a whisky jug!" He wants to try it out, asking, "Care to join me?" Derek tells him wants to save the drinks for dinner. Milo scoffs that Derek "has always been wound too tight." However, he decides to put his things in the guestroom and then get started on the collection.
Living Room - later that afternoon
Milo sits alone looking carefully at a small statue. Suddenly the jug on the shelf begins juggling around and Milo hears the rattling. He glances around, and seeing nothing, gets up to pick up a reference book. As he gets close to the jug, it begins to move. Grinning and calling himself a naughty boy, he picks it up, shakes it and hears the liquid inside. As he opens it, the angel comes off the side of the jug, "Oops! I'll deal with you later, sweetheart." He puts her down, picks up a glass and pours himself "just a little" and drinks it. He notes it "packs a bit of a kick," right before he falls forward, unconscious. As he lies there, a duplicate of Milo rises out of his body in a green mist and stands up, stretches and happily shouts, "Yes!"
He then looks around disoriented and seeing a mirror, looks carefully at himself and then back to the unconscious body on the ground, "Holy Mother! He's me and I'm him." Confused, he says, "Amazing. But how?" and begins looking around the room. He spots the jug and remembers, "The Witch's brew."
Meanwhile - upstairs
Rachel puts sewing items away and calls, "Come into my parlor, says the spider to the fly." Kat comes out dressed in a black leotard, blue cummerbund with wings and a bug hat. She wears lots of makeup and lipstick. She grumbles that she's a fruit fly in her school play of Charlotte's Web and gets eaten alive. She's also upset when the play is done she can't go home. Rachel tells her she spoke to the painter and they told her they were nearly finished and they could move back to their own house on Sunday.
Alex, dressed in grey slacks and a red top, comes in just as Kat says, "I feel sick, Mom." Trying to be reassuring, Alex tells her that she was so nervous for her own first play she threw up before she had to go on. Kat looks terrified at that and Alex quickly reassures her it didn't stop her from giving it her all. Rachel encourages Kat saying "the only way to beat your fears is to face them with a smile." Kat smiles widely.
Meanwhile - downstairs Saying "Thanks, Laddie," the duplicate puts the unconscious Milo in one of the packing crates and nails it shut.
As the grandfather clock strikes 5:00pm, Rachel, Kat, and Alex come downstairs. Derek says, "Oh Kat, you look very gnatty tonight." Kat moans at his pun then says she thought Nick was going to be there too. Derek tells her that Nick's plane from Fiji was delayed and he won't be back until tomorrow night but "he asked me to tell you to break a wing."
The impersonator "Milo" then comes in and Derek, believing it to be Milo, introduces him to Rachel and Kat. After telling Kat she looks cute, he comments that Corrigan is an Irish name, which makes them "kindred spirits." Derek, puzzled, looks at him says, "Kindred spirit? You're not Irish. I thought you were Czechoslovakian from Minnesota."
Alex sees the angel sitting on the crate and picks it up in delight. Both Alex and Rachel remind her to be careful and that the angel is very valuable. Kat begs to be allowed to keep it in her room that night. They decide to talk about it after the play because they have to leave. As the three of them depart, Derek tells her to "Knock em dead, Kat."
Derek, grinning, turns and says, "Couldn't wait, could you?" He then asks how the brew was. "Milo", finally understanding, replies that it was great. Derek decides they should drink it together. Smiling contentedly, Derek offers a toast to old times and drinks first. "Milo" watches him intently for any reaction. Derek comments that it "packs a punch," before sitting down with a cigar, saying, "One of the finer things. I love aged whisky and a good cigar." As he puts the unlit cigar in his mouth, he pitches forward unconscious onto the floor. A duplicate of Derek rises out of his body in a green mist. He stands and loosens the tie and shirt around his neck. "Milo" amazed, exclaims "Damn. It worked." The duplicate Derek demands, "Who the hell might you be, mister?" He replies that he's his brother, Sean MacStewart Culhane. Still looking in amazement at the duplicate Derek, he continues, "It's me Jimmy, in the flesh." He also tells him that they're stuck in those bodies, voice and all.
Jimmy, suspicious, demands that Sean prove it. The first story Sean tells him is once when Jimmy cracked his shin, it left him with a limp. Jimmy isn't satisfied because everyone that knew him would know that. Sean then grins and recalls once when they told their mom and dad that a horse threw him but really he had hurt himself breaking into Haggerty's barn stealing a cow. Jimmy looks at Sean suspiciously and asks him to tell what they did with the cow. Sean continues the memory and says they traded it for a pistol. "Fenians forever. Home rules. God bless James Stephens." Jimmy grins and replies, "God Bless, James Stephens, Indeed."
They proceed to drink the whisky in the jug, toasting each other. "Well brother, here's a toast to all the trouble you got me out of and here's to all the trouble you got me into." They laugh and punch each other playfully for awhile until they begin wondering where they are. They move to the windows and look out and see the illuminated Golden Gate Bridge in the distance. Jimmy, looking shocked, asks, "Mary, Joseph and Junior, what the hell is that?" They decide it's either the biggest damn bridge in hell or the pearly gates. Jimmy nods knowingly and comments, "We're not in Ireland anymore."
Jimmy glances around to the unconscious Derek on the floor and asks Sean, "Who in hell is he?" Sean simply replies, "He's Derek. He's you. Have a look," and points to the mirror. Jimmy looks in the mirror, gasps, and then looks back at Derek and comments; "He's out colder than a mackerel." Sean relates that the same thing happened to him and he guesses that they aren't much for drinking. He asks Jimmy what's the last thing he remembers. Thinking intently, Jimmy remembers going to Derry to give the Catholic's hell on a Friday night. On the way, they also wanted to get a few extra pounds, so they decided to break into Margaret Keane's house even though it was said that she was a witch. Margaret had caught them red-handed but was nice and didn't call the constable. She offered them a drink out of that jug.
They look at the Irish jug, suddenly realizing its significance. They'd been humoring Margaret Keane because they thought she was daft. Sean gives the jug to Jimmy and shows him the inscription. Jimmy reads aloud, The spirits distilled here within, are souls of two troublesome kin. If they escape, they'll make troubles in twos and in doubles." He stops reading and announces, "That's us!" Angry now, he sputters that she put a spell on them and put their spirits in the jug. Sean, astonished at Jimmy's reaction, asks, "What did you expect? She was a damn witch with magical powers." She had hexed them and then poured them a drink and they were dumb enough to drink it. They realize their bodies are long gone and that she had imprisoned their spirits in the jug. Jimmy mumbles, "Damn, she trapped us like two ships in a bottle."
They figure out that when Milo and Derek took a swig from the jug, their spirits were able to slip out and take their shapes. Jimmy asks what happened to the originals. Sean tells him that they're still breathing and he guesses that as long as they have their bodies they're dead to the world. He goes on to tell Jimmy he hid his in one of the boxes. Jimmy is concerned what will happen to them if the original people wake up so they decide to bury them both as soon as the sun comes up. They load Derek into one of the crates and close it.
Sean tells Jimmy there are also 2 ladies and a girl dressed up as a fruit fly. He tells his brother that one of the ladies is black and the other says she's a doctor. Jimmy scoffs at him, suggesting he had too much to drink. He asks what they called him. Sean thinks then answers, "Milo, from Minnesota. Which, I think, is in Czechoslovakia." The two of them fuss for awhile about what'll happen if the women find out they're not who they expect hem to be. They decide they won't be happy at all.
Jimmy looks around the room and comments that "there's one thing about this Derek, he's got money to burn." They decide they're in a manor house that's ripe for picking and there must be gold there, so they'll look for it before they leave. Jimmy takes a lampshade off and looks at the lit bulb, commenting they have lightening in a bottle too so they must have hard cash around too. Just then, Sean finds and picks up a bowl of decorative fake grapes and thinking they're real, bites into one. He spits it out saying their taste in food is disgusting. Jimmy scoffs at him and tells him to forget his stomach and "Let's get the gold." They begin to search the rooms downstairs.
Legacy House Foyer later that evening
Rachel, Alex, and Kat come home from the play. Hearing them coming, Jimmy and Sean stand with false smiles on their faces by the stairs. Since they still look identical to Derek and Milo, the women are unaware anything is amiss. They applaud and introduce Kat as the star of the show as they enter the house. Kat fusses that everyone laughed at her because she tripped on her way to the stage, but Rachel consoles her that she improvised and did a fine job. She then sends her "up the wooden hill" to brush her teeth. As she passes Jimmy, he stops her and shakes her hand saying "I'm sure you did a fine job, Katherine, Did your mother proud." She looks at him strangely, shakes her head and replies, "Uh huh," before heading upstairs. Rachel and Alex come over grinning and ask how far they got going through the boxes. The men look at each other and admit "Not very far." Then Jimmy grins and offers Rachel a drink. She shakes her head in disbelief and declines with a laugh. Jimmy then turns to Alex and says, "How about you, Miss?" Alex replies incredulously, "Miss? Oh, Lord, you have had too much to drink," and starts laughing. Figuring the men are drunk, the women go upstairs.
Once upstairs, Rachel tells Alex that Derek knows she hasn't had a drink in years. Alex comments that "a little alcohol turns men to boys." Rachel grinning, adds, "I'd say more than a little." They agree they'll have hangovers in the morning, then say goodnight and head to their rooms.
As the women get upstairs, Jimmy asks Sean, "As near as you can tell, am I married to either one of them?" Sean replies solemnly that he doesn't think so. Jimmy replies, "That's a relief." They continue their search.
In the kitchen Sean finds a bowl of apples and excitedly picks up the bowl and takes one out, exclaiming, "Apples." He tells Jimmy the last time he had an apple was in the fall of 1794. Jimmy, still carrying the Irish Jug, takes the apple from him and they share the apple back and forth. Finding nothing in the kitchen after searching it, they try to decide where the gold is hidden. Then they recall another robbery they did and that it had been hidden behind a secret panel in a bookcase. Therefore, they decide to try upstairs next.
Kat, in her pajamas, slippers and a long robe, comes downstairs looking for the angel. She spots it in the living room on a crate, and, smiling happily goes over and picks it up. Just then, she hears the men complaining, "That's all the rooms on this floor and still not a shilling!" She quickly tucks the angel under her robe and ducks behind a crate. Jimmy and Sean are right outside the living room then and Jimmy observes, "You know Sean, something isn't right here. A grand house like this, you'd expect they'd have horses. Fine horses." They inhale deeply and realize there's no smell of manure. They decide they aren't in heaven or hell. Jimmy wisely nods his head while slowly and emphatically nods stating, "Somewhere else entirely. Entirely." They then decide to look upstairs and go up the stairs.
Kat quietly gets out of her hiding place. As she tiptoes past a crate, she notices a fragment of clothing hanging out from under the lid of one crate. She stops, opens the lid and sees Derek's body resting on styrofoam pellets. Her eyes wide, she drops the crate lid and gasps.
They enter the library and see the walls of books and bookcases. Convinced about the existence of the hidden panel and refusing to leave without something for their troubles they begin to move books and rap on the shelves. They try to hurry since they figure they have until morning before the women will be on to them.
As they search, Jimmy gets close to the holographic wall. The laser retinal scanner identifies him, enabling Jimmy to push his hand right through the wall. Startled, he asks Sean what he makes of it before deciding to walk through. He calls Sean to follow, but he can't so Jimmy pops just his head back out of the wall and encourages him before going back inside.
Jimmy is startled when the door to Derek's office opens. He backs up and it automatically closes. Proceeding into the control room, he's surprised to see Sean on a small monitor, pounding on the hologram wall unable to get inside. "Will you look at this? What happened to you? How'd you get so small?" He puts the Irish Jug down on the scanner table and goes over to the monitor and touches a button. With that the small screen goes black but the image reappears on the large wall screen monitor. He sees Sean, calling his name frantically, trying desperately to find a way in. Sean steps back from the wall, then takes off running flat out at the wall. Jimmy tells him to stop fooling around but Sean runs right into the hologram wall and is knocked flat.
Rachel, wearing navy silk pajamas with green trim, is sleeping soundly when Kat enters the room. She wakes Rachel up and tells her there are two Derek's. When Rachel seems doubtful, Kat tells her she saw them both at the same time. She continues to tell her mother that there's something weird going on there tonight. Rachel replies with a wry smile, "You mean, as opposed to any other night?" She does however, acquiesce and gets up, agreeing to take a look. Kat goes to get Alex
Jimmy rushes out of the control room, shouting, "Sean, talk to me!" Helping him up, he chastises Sean telling him he could have hurt himself hitting the wall like that. Jimmy also tells him he should have seen it in there. He goes on to tell Sean excitedly that he saw pictures of him on the wall that move and Sean was as big as life in those pictures.
Suddenly, they spot a calendar marked 1998. Jimmy, eyes wide, says slowly, "We're in the future boy, way in the future" Sean replies, "Lord almighty, we've been born again."
Jimmy decides he's "beginning to like being this fellow Derek. Maybe we're making a mistake." They then change their plans and decide not to grab the gold and go. If they stay, they figure they could live like kings and keep the law out of the way. When Sean asks about the women, Jimmy replies, "The answer is simple. We kill them."
Rachel joins Kat and Alex, who still wears the red top and grey slacks. Rachel asks her if Kat told her about the two Derek's. Alex nods and replies sardonically, "As if one wasn't enough." Rachel asks Kat why she was downstairs in the first place. Apologizing to Alex, she pulls the angel out from her robe and tells them she went down for it. Alex smiles indulgently and gently tells her it's OK, "Why dont we put it back." Rachel rubs her head and asks Kat to show them exactly where she saw the two Derek's. They start down the staircase.
Sean and Jimmy push the crate containing Derek out of the living room and onto the balcony.
Kat gets downstairs and the crate is gone, "It was right here!" Rachel feels a chill and notices the balcony door is open. Shaking her head in disbelief, she comments that, "I can't believe that Derek went to bed and left the door open." Just as she advances towards the balcony doors, Jimmy and Sean suddenly come in off the balcony and block the door asking if they can be of assistance. Kat jumps and drops the angel, "Oh, No." Mom. The angel. I broke it." Both Alex and Rachel reassure her that it's OK and that the reason she dropped it was because Derek scared her.
Suspicious, Rachel asks where he was and Jimmy declares they were working late because they had lots to do. Jimmy questions why the women aren't in bed. Alex tells them that Kat saw two of him. Raising his eyebrows, he asks where she saw the second one. Kat replies he was in a box, but it's gone now. Jimmy replies, "Oh that's good, I'd hate to see more than one of me running around." Rachel tells him she thinks it's a case of overactive imagination and tells Kat to go up to bed. Worried about the angel, Kat shows Alex who tells her it's cracked but she can't tell how bad it's damaged. She asks Kat if she wants to go up and scan it to see how bad it is. Kat begs Rachel who tells her she can but then she needs to get to bed. Alex and Kat head off upstairs.
Rachel is very concerned about the story she had heard from the men. She notices they are standing directly in front of a wooden crate, as if trying to hide it. She takes a step forward, then thinks better of it. Wishing them a good night and telling them it's after midnight, she suggests they should go to bed too. Jimmy replies that he's planning on locking up and coming up to bed in just a few minutes. Rachel tells them "goodnight," then goes upstairs.
Entering the room, Alex sees the Irish Jug on the scanner table. Shaking her head, she says she can't believe Derek brought it in there. Then she shows Kat where the angel nestles right in the jug. Kat notices the inscription on the jug and asks what it means. Alex, curious too, asks, "Want to find out what it means?" Kat excited, replies, "OK. Cool!" Alex tells her it's Gaelic and she'll punch in the code and let the computer interpret it. She lays the jug on its side and the overhead screen comes alive with the picture of the Gaelic inscription. It translates the writing:
Alex tells Kat that it's a limerick and she isn't sure what it means unless it has to do with the Keane manor. Curious she goes to the Legacy Internet Interlink and looks up the manor. According to Interlink, Margaret Keane, the famously eccentric grandmother of Hanney Keane, built it in 1787. Margaret was considered the white witch of Ulster.
Rachel sneaks back downstairs and slinks outside to check the crate on the balcony. Opening it, she sees Derek's body. Reaching in to check his condition, she hears something behind her and begins to straightens up just as Sean knocks her out with a shovel. He plops her in the crate right next to Derek saying, she "should have left well enough alone."
Back in the control room
Alex continues her research about the jug and it's origins. She's puzzled at the connection between witches and angels. Kat gently asks if they can look at the angel. Smiling sweetly, Alex replies, "Of course. I'm sorry. That's why we came up here." Kat moves the jug off to the side and carefully puts the angel on the scanning table and turns on the overhead scanner. Alex studies the image carefully, commenting that it doesn't look too damaged, and it looks hollow and she thinks it's filled with a liquid.
Jimmy suddenly comes in and hearing about the contents of the angel asks, "Is it?" Concerened, Alex asks "Derek, how much of the whisky did you drink?" He replies just a taste and she advises him to keep away from it because she thinks it's unsafe. Smiling sarcastically, Jimmy asks her what makes her think that. Alex tells him about the warning on the jug but assures him he needn't worry because the angel holds the cure.
Jimmy replies ominously that the real danger is what's inside the angel. He goes on to tell them that's what the old witch Margaret Keane used to trick them. Kat, frightened, hugs the angel tightly and watches intently. Jimmy advances towards Kat and reaches out saying "Hand it over like a sweet little girl." Alex, enraged, attacks him and screams at Kat to run which she does. Jimmy overcomes Alex and locks her in the closet.
Kat, clutching the angel, hides behind the upstairs bannister and listens while Jimmy tells Sean that the little one got away but when they find the gold they'll kill all of them. They talk about the contents of the angel and Jimmy reassures Sean that just because she has the cure it doesn't mean she knows how to use it. "She's 10 years old. How much trouble could she be?"
Once again they puzzle over the location of the gold. Suddenly they remember all the crates and boxes and decide it's been right under their noses the whole time. They head into the living room.
Kat hears Alex pounding on the inside of the closet door calling for Rachel. She tries to open the door but discovers it's locked and the key is missing. Alex asks her if she still has the angel and then tells her to listen very carefully and to do exactly what she says. He begins giving her detailed instruction in a hushed voice.
Drinking the whiskey and singing Irish songs, Sean and Jimmy tear open all the boxes and break everything looking for the fortune. Jimmy sits in an upholstered chair beating in the wooden crates with his feet, singing at the top of his lungs, "No, nay, never again," and "I've lost all me money." Art and artifacts are smashed and strewn all over the room. They toss the wood from the crates into the fireplace. Commenting "Junk. Junk," they continue to search for the gold without success.
Downstairs broom closet
As they sing, Kat sneaks into the broom closet. She turns on the light, closes the door behind her and carefully puts the angel down. With a steady hand, she picks up a spray bottle filled with window cleaner, unscrews the mister top, and pours the contents into a glass jar. Then she puts the angel in a vise. Sadly saying, "Sorry little angel," she breaks the head off the statue with a hammer. Then she takes it out of the vise and pours the green liquid contents from the angel carefully into the spray bottle through a funnel.
At the same time - in the living room
Having had no success in finding the gold, they decide to force the women to tell them where it's hidden before they kill them. Sean goes back to the balcony and the crate where he'd hidden Rachel. He opens it and she's not there. As he wonders, "Where'd she go?" she appears behind him, knocks him out and runs.
Jimmy goes to the closet and opens it saying to Alex that, "we can do this the easy way or the hard way." Alex comes out fighting saying, "I prefer the easy way." While Jimmy is busy trying to restrain her, Rachel comes up behind him, jumps on his back, and knocks him to the floor. Alex and Rachel run downstairs.
Jimmy comes down and approaches the women menacingly saying, "I love a spirited fight but this one is about over." Just then, Kat, standing at the top of the steps says menacingly, "Don't count on it." Jimmy looks up and laughs asking, "Why is that, you little hooligan?" Kat replies sweetly, "Bet you can't come up here and say that."
Sean takes the challenge, "You're on." Jimmy stops him and reminds him she has the angel. Just then, calling, "Catch, Mom," Kat tosses the angel over the railing and everyone scrambles to catch it. Sean pushes Rachel down and grabs it. Meanwhile, Kat slides down the bannister and lands in a crate full of packing material. Jimmy and Sean advance on the crate to grab her. As they get right up to the box, Kat pops up, aims the spray bottle and shouts, "Guess Again!" and pulls the trigger on the bottle. Green mist hits them and immediately they scream as their spirits dematerialize and go back into the Irish jug. The cork appears and magically seals the jug tight. Kat has watched all this and says triumphantly, "Yes!".
Legacy Kitchen - morning
Alex relates what happened as she pours coffee for Derek and Milo. Suffering from hangovers, they consume aspirin and look ashen. Derek morosely asks, "And then what did we do?" Alex tells him with a smile, "You made a complete mess." Derek says, "The Keane collection will never be the same." Milo comments, "Neither will I." Derek asks where Rachel and Kat are and Alex tells him they're repairing the angel. She had told Kat she could keep it, considering the circumstances. Derek agrees.
Rachel and Kat carefully repair the angel with glue. As they work, Kat's voice-over says:
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